Can't You Hear My Motored Heart?
by bellemusique
Summary: Wrong assumptions. Hidden feelings. You know, the norm. ElixClare, rated M. I do not own Degrassi or the song 'Generator' by Foo Fighters.
1. Lately I'm Getting Better

**HEY YOU GUYS! i'm baacccck! well, sorta. er, this is a Degrassi fic.. if that's not obvious. uhm, i had this up a few months ago but i took it down.. so i decided to re-vamp it and kinda change some stuff.. uhm, my other fics that aren't finished.. i highly doubt i WILL finish them. so enjoy this one!:D thanks.**

_And hey darling  
>I hope you're good tonight<br>And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving  
>Yeah I want it but no I don't need it<br>Tell me something sweet to get me by  
>'Cause I can't come back home till they're singing<em>

_La, la la la la la la._

Ah, A Day to Remember. Your music moves me so, it's actually quite embarrassing to admit something like that.

I let my thumb scroll across the middle of my iPod, determining whether to change the song or to let it remain. I have to be honest though- this song gets to me sometimes. Well, no one has ever seen that happen but it still happens.

"Hey, emo boy. What are you listening to? Your emo love songs?"

I rolled my eyes as I looked up at a unfornuatly familiar face that belonged with the smug voice that had just spoken.

"Nice to see you too, Fitzy," I spoke sarcastically, giving him one of my trademark smirks just to show his words meant nothing to me. "Actually, yeah! It's one of my favorites. Wanna listen with me? We can even go write poetry together about how this song makes us feel!"

Fitz merely scowled and rolled his eyes. My smirk grew wider, _gotcha there, smart-ass._

As he walked by, he forced his shoulder on mine and made me stumble backwards and drop my iPod. I cursed inwardly as I tried to catch it from its deadly fall. I see Lady Luck was on my side seeing as I captured it in my hands right before the blow.

Degrassi's bells begin to ring as if to signal another round of torture to the high school students around me. I sighed, turning the device off to put it in my pocket and heading to English. _What joy._

I seated myself in my usual seat- the one in front of my two best friends. As if on que, Clare and Adam walked in together with smiles, as always.

"Adam, you should know that would NEVER work!" Clare exclaimed as she took the seat right behind me. I turned around to raise an eyebrow at her but she ignored it.

Adam began to chuckle, fixing his hat before replying, "Clare.. You know me more than ANYONE. Friend wise," I shot him a glare right before he began again, "BESIDES Eli. But.. You know what I mean! He's a guy, he can't do th—"

"Hey now, hold the phone." I spoke up. I gave them both questioning looks. "May I please inquire what the _hell—_"

"ELI!"

"HECK," I corrected myself. Clare hated it when I used foul language around her. She said it 'corrupted her innocent' mind. Psh, I call complete bullshit. What can a few words do to you?

"—You guys are talking about?"

"It's none of your business, actually." Clare flat out responded. She stuck her tongue out at me and I made a grab for it.

"Careful where you put that tongue, Edwards. You might not get it back." I teased, thumping her nose as a get-back for the earlier statement.

Mrs. Dawes then walked into the room, signaling for everyone to settle down so we can start class. I slumped in my chair and sighed. Today will be so long.

"Okay, class. You should know school will be out in only two more weeks," The class erupted into a few hollers and grateful clapping. I rolled my eyes, dumb people. "And you all know what that means…"

Obviously not, because everyone became quiet in question.

"Summer break? Six long, sweet weeks of no more English work?" I guessed, smirking as some of the class snickered. Mrs. Dawes rolled her eyes but she smiled nonetheless. Mrs. Dawes has always been a really great teacher. She's not like the rest of the teachers. Completely different from the ones who didn't care about anything and was just waiting for the bell to ring so they could go smoke in their cars.

"Yes, but that's not the answer I was looking for, Mr. Goldsworthy," She rumbled through her drawer on her desk to bring out some packets of information. Everyone instantly groaned. "During the six weeks of you no longer be in this room, I want you and your usual groupings to pick one of the eight projects and turn it in next semester. Now, I know most of you will not be in the class, but let's just say a good reward will be given if you do it." Mrs. Dawes raised her eyebrows as she scanned the room.

Adam rotated his body to look at all of us, "Projects? What blasphemy!" He put his hands on top of his hands in an over-dramatic way causing Clare to giggle.

I rolled my eyes, putting my arm on his shoulder in a comforting way. "Now, now Adam. No need to get your boxers stuck in a wad." I pushed with half of my strength and he began to mumble incoherent words that made me chuckle.

"Adam, Eli," The teacher infront of us looked at us with a slightly amused expression, "No need for horseplay. You're both old enough to know that." She passed the packet to Clare, but of course, I grabbed it and flipped throught it myself.

"What are we supposed to be doing, anyway?" Clare grabbed the packet back from my hands, looking only slightly annoyed.

"I don't know, _Elijah,_ why don't you READ the material and see what it says?" She mocked me, a small smirk played on her lips.

Clare was one of a kind, that's for sure. In different ways than one. She had a big head about her faith and her innocence and her God and all the shit Christians say nowadays. But, I do respect her views... half of the time. I just find it weird that she decided to befriends two outcasts like me and Adam. An athiest and a transgendered. Hm, I guess she just puts loopholes in her contract of Christiany to be our friends.

"We should totally write our own love story!"

Fuck that.

Clare was batting her eyelashes and sighing deeply. She was such a girl.

"That is a big negative." Adam said, I nodded in agreement. Clare pouted at her our rejection, "Well, why not? It'd be cute! And fun!"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Look, just because Adam's transgendered doesn't mean I want to seem gay!" My eyes glanced over at the mentioned boy; a sigh of relief escaped my lips when he was smiling in laughter. Sometimes I feel bad about jokes like that, but it's most of the time that I'm the only one who can make such jokes.

"You won't. That's why it's gonna be a love story between a girl and a guy. Duh." Clare began to ignore the two of us to read the instructions of the horrid project.

Adam chuckled, "Why are we friends with her again?" I shrugged in my lack of knowledge but also let a smirk cross my face. "I guess so she's a puzzle piece to fit our weirdness. Or just balance us together."

Mrs. Dawes knocked on her desk to quiet down the noise. "Okay, so since we only have two more days left.. I want the groups to tell me which project they pick _before_ summer break starts. Get to choosing!"

On perfect timing, the bell rang to signal us to leave the class. I got up and walked out of the door; Adam and Clare following a little ways behind me. I heard them mumble so I turned my head to look at them.

"I don't enjoy secrets, you know that."

"Well, you sure do like to hold them since it took you so long to tell me about Julia!" Clare said, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrow. I winced slightly, the subject of her was still tender to talk about. I quickly regained my cool boy composure, so I flashed her the biggest smirk I could muster.

"Doesn't mean I like 'em. So, you guys gonna tell me what's up?"

Adam's eyes fell down to the floor, a light blush gracing his cheeks. What was wrong with him?

Clare looked over his face before responding," Uh.. w-well.. It's not really in the process.. But all I have to say is that you will be seeing it in works not very long from now!"

Raising an eyebrow, I shifted glances between the two and my heart sank a little bit. Are they dating behind my back?

Wait, why the hell do I care? It's not like it means anything to me. But, still the jealousy flared up in my stomach as I looked at them.

"Yeah, well..." I started, but Adam quickly changed the subject.

"So, Dot after school.. The three of us?" He asked, hope lacing his voice. I grinned, nodding my head. "As always, dude."

Clare bit her lip, "I can't. I have church tonight, I promised my mom I would help with the youth services." Adam's face fell quickly. Worry and disappointment started to show in his eyes, confirming my theory a few moments ago.

I clenched my jaw but decided to say nothing. Nothing in front of Clare, atleast. I'll wait till the Dot so I could give the twerp a piece of my mind.

"Well, gotta go to French. See you guys later." I jetted off before they got a chance to even say one word.

Finally. The end of the day bell rang, sweet music to my ears. I picked up all my worksheets and stuffed them in my binder. People were already filing into the hallway, pushing themselves around the sea of bodies to get to their lockers and get out of school.

I walked calmly to my locker, opening it up and placing my binder inside. I shut the door and my eyes traveled to a Post-It note in the front of it.

_We really need to talk. I'm walking to the Dot, so I need a ride home._

_-Adam._

Oh shit. He's gonna wanna talk about how much him and Clare love each other and how he didn't want to make me believe I was the third wheel. I groaned loudly and scratched the back of my head. Heading to the parking lot, I saw Clare getting situated on her bike.

Her long legs were clad in a dark blue straight leg that suited her shape well. Her top was a light blue and seemingly low cut, showing just enough cleavage to get any guy to drool. I was now seemingly jealous that Adam had already got to claim such glory.

I didn't notice I was starting at her, until she looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey, Eli!" I snapped out of my eye-raping of Clare, hoping she didn't see that I was gawking at her. What the hell was that about?

"Hey, Edwards." I responded cooly, gliding over to my car that was only two parking spots away from where she placed her bike.

She made small talk, basically avoiding my eyes and giving me short talk.

"So, why are you not going to the Dot?" I asked curiously. Clare bit to chew her bottom lop, which made my attention go straight to that.

"I.. I said that I needed to go to church.."She spoke softly as if she was afraid that anyone else but me would hear her. "B-Besides.. Adam needed to talk to you about something.."

My eyes traveled back to hers that were avoiding mine. "Talk to me about something? Heh. I'm sure I already know what he wants to talk to me about."

Clare's eyes widened and they stared into mine. "You already know?"

I gave her no gesture and walked into the driver's seat of Morty. "Have fun with that, Clare." I opened the door and nestled in, turning on the engine and getting out of the lot as fast as I could.

This bites. My two best friends hook up behind my back, neither one of them having the guts to tell me right when it happened. I bet Adam already got to second base with Clare, since they're already so close.

My hands tightened around the steering wheel. _No. I'm the only one who is going to get that close to Clare._

The breath in my throat hitched and I slowed to a stop at a stop sign. Did I really just think that?

The Dot was right after the stop sign so I inched Morty right to a parking spot. I looked outside the place, seeing Adam's small frame hunched over in a table. Jealousy bubbled in my stomach once again. Deciding not to make a scene, not yet anyways, I got out the hearse and made my way to the smaller boy.

Adam's face lit up slightly when he saw me approach. But as soon as I sat down and he looked over me, his face fell. "I... ordered you your favorite.. Diet coke and Pepsi suicide*."

I nodded him in thanks, pulling out my wallet to give to the waiter when he arrived.

"So.. need to talk to me about something?" I inquired, keeping my eyes on the table. I heard him sigh, his hands fidgeting around themselves.

"Eli.. I like someone."

I put my hands together and squeezed them slightly. "Go on." My eyes went to his as he took another deep breath.

"And.. and I want to do something special for them. But I'm not sure how they'd react."

The tension in my chest died down a little. Well, that means they're not together. But I bet anything he's still talking about Clare.

"So what?" I joked, smirking a little to give him comfort. "Who would every deny such a fine lad like you, Adam Torres?"

He smiled sadly, rubbing the back of his head. "Well.. the person I like is someone I'm really close to."

Bingo.

"And well... If they reject me, that's fine. But, I don't wanna ruin our friendship.." Adam's smile fell down into a frown as he continued.

"Adam, man... if they are as close as you said they are.. Then, I'm sure she'- THEY won't be a pussy and just drop you as a friend." I looked over him, my words obviously making him a little better. "I wish you luck, nonetheless. Though I must say, I'm sure you already know I'm hotter than you."

Once again, his cheeks flushed but I decided to ignore it and not make it seem like anything."Y-Yeah, whatever..."

The waiter brought us our drinks, took the money and left. For the rest of the time we were there, we made our usual jokes together. I laughed genuinely as he was telling me how his math teacher reacted to the drawing that Fitz drew and gave him suspension.

Adam had to be the best friend ever. As gay as that sounds, he means a lot to me. I wouldn't be sane if I didn't have him around. I just hope Clare doesn't hurt him..

"Well, Mr. Torres, this is your stop." I mimicked a cab driver's voice, smirking a little before putting the car in park. Adam chuckled, unbuckling his seatbelt but not making a move to open the door.

"Eli... thanks a lot for today. It means a lot that you would try to make me feel better." He thanked me sincerely, something slightly weird for Adam to say to me. I shrugged it off.

"No prob, dude. It's what guys do!" I smirked at him.

He smiled slightly, chewing on the corner of his mouth. He looked like he was debating to do something or not.

Before I said anything, he reached over across the middle of my car to wrap his arms around me in a subtle hug. My eyes widened a little bit. Adam never hugged me or anything. Not ever since he told me he was a FTM, but even before then he never did.

Adam pulled away quickly, giving me a soft "See you later," and jumped out of my car. He ran into his house and left me outside wondering what just happened.

**oooohhh, what shall happen next? i think i will upload chapter two today just in case some people who read this last time... i don't know. hahah. review, lovelies! till next time(:**


	2. Wish I Could Stay Sick With You

**okay, i decided to write the second chapter! now, chapters aren't going to be up as frequent... and sorry if the summary doesn't give details. this is basically 'go as i type' story. which works sometimes.. but then it doesn't.**

**so here is chapter two! hope you enjoy!**

* * *

><p>I sat in Morty for a little longer after Adam got out. He <em>hugged<em> me. It might seem like an idiotic thing to be confused over.. But it's Adam.

Shaking my head, I put Morty in reverse and backed out of the place I was in. "Nothing's going on, Goldsworthy." I told myself, acting like there was someone there that would reply.

No one did.

As I drove down the block, I looked out the window to look at a specific house. Clare's house. My chest seemed to clench in a slight way as my eyes followed the house. Maybe she is really going to church? There was still a sense of doubt in my head.

I quickly pulled into a random driveway a few houses down and backed up to turn the other way. I headed back toward the direction of her house.

I checked the clock, 5:46. If Clare was going to church, she would have left already. I pulled into the driveway, noting her bike still there. I smirked.

_Maybe she left with her mom?_ I noticed her mom's vehicle wasn't parked in it's usual spot. I shrugged mentally. Who knows with Clare Edwards.

While walking to the front door, I took a few moments to survey the house. It was a nice, dainy two story building. The paint was a light blue color and had white shutters, frames, all of that sort. It had different varieties of flowers that Mrs. Edwards had wanted. It was... home looking. Nice.

I started to get nervous when I reached the front door. _What is the matter with me?_

It's not like I've never been to Clare's house before. Me and Adam always go there to watch movies and do stupid stuff. We're best friends. So why is it so nerve-wracking that I'm about to knock on her door.. Is it because there's a possibility she won't be here and I'll be upset?

_Man the fuck up, Goldsworthy. Sheesh._ I think the confusion from Adam is just getting to my head.

I lifted my fist and knocked on her door. Anxiety got the best of me and I felt a slight blush rush into my cheeks. "Goddamn-"

"Eli?"

Clare opened the door only enough to see part of her face. She was giving me a question look; she had an eyebrow raised and her bottom lip inbetween her teeth.

"Er.. H-hey Edwards!"

Elijah. _Stop. It._

She smiled slightly, the confusion on her face still there. "Well.. hey. What are you doing here?"

Oh, no reason. Just wanted to prove that you weren't really going to church. That you lied. And I intended on punishing you for lying.. Like, making you scream as I force my hard di-

"No reason!" I squeaked out, mentally slapping my forehead. Her eyebrow knitted together and I tried to collect myself.

"O...okay?"

I cleared my throat and swung the bangs out of my face. I took a deep breath and let it out. Okay. No reason to act like a retard, Eli.

"So, are you going to stand there and let me die from a heat stroke? Or are you going to invite me in?" I smirked. There I was.

Clare rolled her eyes, "It's not even that hot, Eli. You're such a drama queen."

"Oh nooo, it IS so hot! I feel my skin dripping off my bones as we speak!"

That earned a small laugh from her. She finally opened the door all the way... and revealed her in all the glory that she was.

She was wearing super.. super.. _super_ short pink shorts. Short enough for a guy's imagination to go wild. And a simple blue tanktop that somehow made her eyes pop. Cleavage.. Cleavage... Clare.

"Thanks..." I said, giving her a one-over but turning away quickly. "So, why aren't you at church?"

I heard her shift and I could bet all the money in the world she was blushing. And biting her lip.

"Well.. I decided that I had a LOT of work to do.. And I was going to stay home to work on it."

I turned back around to face her. "You call TV and books and junk food work?" I nodded my head to the living room. Her vampire books, popcorn, chocolate and a coke were setting on the table. The spot on the couch looked like it was just messed up, meaning she had gotten up from there.

Her eyes widened a bit, ".. Well... yea- I mean no.. I mean... I don't have to explain myself to you!" She stuck out her tongue and made her way back to where she was previously.

I frowned. "Then why didn't you come to the Dot with us?" Clare patted a place on the couch besides her and I sat down. She picked up a piece of chocolate, bringing it toward her mouth.

But I was too quick; I grabbed it from her and popped it in my mouth. She glared at me but it vanished in a split second.

"Well,"She muttered," I just thought.. you know, you and Adam needed guy time." That is complete... bullshit!

"You know we have guy's night a lot." I responded to her, "So, it's not like you were intruding..." I gave her a look. "Plus.. you said he needed to talk to me."

She popped up. "Ah, yes! He wanted to talk to you! So, I couldn't have been there..."

We stared at each other for a few seconds but I shook my head, sitting up.

"Why are you guys keeping these things from me?" I raised my voice slightly, enough for her to wince.

"Eli, we're not keeping anything from you. In fact, Adam's going to tell you sooner or later..." Clare got up, crossing her arms together. It wasn't helping anything because my eyes kept going to her chest.

Being a guy is stupid.

"Yeah, 'sooner or later'? Not now?" I placed my hands on my hips. I would have laughed because usually the girls have their hands on the hips. But I wasn't in the mood for laughter.

"Eli, please try to understand," Clare's face saddened, "He.. just needs time." She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me. Usually, this doesn't mean anything. We have cuddled and stuff before. We're best friends.. Nothing more.

Then why did my heart skip a beat once her skin came contact with me?

I looked down at her in spite, "Time? He needs no time.. I already know what's going on."

"You do?"She asked in disbelief. "He told you already?"

"No. I just know." I pulled away from her grasp harshly. The stupid emotional side in me was upset by losing the closeness. But I was disappointed. My two best friends went behind my back and did only God or who the fuck ever knows what. Not even having the decency to tell me.

Clare gave an in-between happy to sad smile,"So what do you think? Are you okay with it?"

My heart started pumping faster. Not because of how her legs glowed in the remaining sunshine. Not because her lips looked so tempting. Not because of her chest basically waving out to me.

But... because of how angry I was.

"Am I OKAY with this?" I screamed, flailing my arms around. I looked like an idiot. Don't care.

"Clare, you and Adam are probably fucking behind my back! You two are supposed to be my best friends! The ones that are always fuckin' there for me!" Clare was backing away into a corner and I followed her.

"Eli, that's not i-"

"Don't fucking talk." I breathed out, glaring at her.

"Eli.. that is not true! It's not even about me.. it's about -"

"I said, shut up! Fuck you. Fuck you and fuck Adam Torres. Don't even try to be all buddy-buddy with me anytime soon cause I'm sick of both of you." I hissed at her. I was trembling and she had started to cry. My heart tensed up but I ignored it.

"Eli..." she pleaded, looking up at me with tear-shone eyes.

"...Fuck.. you.." I raced out of her door and into my car. I could hear her crying before I got into Morty and sped off.

Would Clare actually throw away her ring and most importantly her ring just to be with Adam?

.. Wouldn't that make Clare a lesbian?

I started to slow down before I even got close to my house.

Adam still has a body of a girl.. So if they did do it or even get together, Clare would be classified as a lesbian.

"..That doesn't make sense." I said outloud, doubting my own theories that I had thrown into Clare's face not too long ago.

.. Did I overreact? I did have a mild anger problem. Ever since Julia died, my emotions got ten times worse. I always got angry easily and acted like a child.

Therapy never helped. They always tried to feed me the "it's not your fault. it's no one faults. it's all in your head" bullshit. I lasted about two weeks before I busted one of the therapists's lip.

I groaned, hitting my head repeatedly on the steering wheel.

I fucked up, big time

* * *

><p><strong>okay, i know this is pretty short. but it makes the plot go a little faster... like i said, updating won't be as frequent. and yeah, some of the characters are gonna be kinda ooc. but ; i'll try. **

**till next time, dearies!**


	3. But There's Too Many Egos Left To Bruise

I swiftly cut in to my house; my mind was going nine hundred miles an hour. I felt like an idiot but my heart was still hurting like I've been betrayed.

"Am I hurt cause they didn't tell me?" I asked myself softly, getting out of Morty to walk inside. ".. Or is it just I don't want anyone to have Clare?"

As I entered my front door, my parents were sitting on the couch with stoic expressions on their faces. "Elijah.." my mom whispered, ".. what happened at Clare's?"

.. She told my parents?

I twitched slightly, not wanting to talk about it. I was still angry of the thought but I felt like a total dick for screaming at my best friend. Clare knows that I've had anger issues for a while. It's just that she's never been around when I do blew up.

"Nothing.. just a slight disagreement." I replied coldly. My dad raised his eyebrow in question.

"Didn't sound like that to us, son." Bullfrog had a stern voice but it was laced with care all at the same time. Both he and Cece always knew how to give me a lesson but not totally over do it with the anger and screaming. WIsh I could do the same.

I looked down at my sharpied-in black fingernails and frowned. ".. I.. I think Adam and Clare are together. Behind my back. And they won't tell me."

Their expressions changed to shock, especially Cece's. "Isn't Adam.. you know.. "

I nodded swiftly. I felt the same coil of anger build in my stomach like it did at Clare's. "Yeah."

Time went still for a minute. I glanced around my living room, looking at all the pictures that were in frames hooked on the wall. There was some of me when I was little in my diapers and a Harry Potter robe during Halloween one year. A few were of my family, looking almost normal.

Then, there was two pictures. The first one was me and Adam, in a man hug at the Dead Hand concert. I smiled briefly at the memory. Sav basically stole his parent's car to take us to the concert. Which of course, we got pulled over for his reckless driving back. It was so worth it.

The second one was of me and Clare at the park. I remembered her calling me crying her eyes out to come get her. Her parents were going insane so I took her out for ice-cream and a walk to the park. She begged me to take a picture with her, even though her makeup was sliding off her face from her previous crying. I reluctantly agreed and there was that picture. I really liked it. We both look like we were really happy. And of course, she looked good regardless.

"Did you hear me, baby boy?" I heard my mom faintly whisper again. I shook out of my thoughts, "No.. what did you say?"

"Maybe you should talk to them.." She began, getting off the couch to embrace me in a hug. "You are all best friends. Don't let this get between you three."

I pulled away sharply, "That's just it, Cece! They're letting their stupid fuck sessions getting in between all of the friendship we have!" Cece winched a little at my cursing.

Bullfrog got up and walked to where we were. "Clare just told us you were yelling and hollerin' at her. She never told us really what you said. But, son.. Clare cares so much for you. I can tell. She was just scared something had happened to you.. Please." He looked into my eyes, sorrowfully. "Go talk."

Moments passed as we just stared each other down. The anger slowly died, and I took a deep breath. "I'll call them both... and go talk to them individually."

"There's my boy!"Bullfrog's voice went back to his normalcy. He grabbed and gave me a tight bear hug. I choked out but I let myself smirk at my dad's action.

I walked up the stairs and opened the door to my room. The dark walls were covered in pictures and posters of my friends and bands. There was a section of the wall were Julia had wrote me love notes. I had refused to cover it with posters- not yet, at least.I walked over to that part of the wall, running my fingers over her writing.

_Dear Eli,_

_You're asleep right now. If that's nothing new! :) Haha, silly boy. But I just want to remind you that you are amazing. You are flawless, baby love. If I believed in that God figure, I would thank him for you every day. But I'll thank just.. the world for letting me be with you. There is no one in the world i would want to share this passion with._

_You are mine.. everlasting._

_I love you so much, sleeping beauty ;) See you when you wake up._

_Forever yours,_

_Jules._

My throat started to hurt as I finished reading it. It never gets easier to read any of these letters. I sighed and continued to look around my room. It was so dark.. But that was who I was.

The only color was a white and pink wolf that sat on the dresser next to my bed. Clare and Adam got it for me as a joke when they first walked into my room. I chuckled and shook my head at their dumb joke.

I realized what I came up here to do in the first place. I got my phone and dialed Adam's number. It took him a few seconds to answer.

"'Ello?"

I swallowed. "Hey, dude. Listen, we need to talk.. Come to my house?"

I heard him shuffling his feet, "Actually, I'm already at the front of your house. Your parents just let me in- Hi, Cece! Hey, Bullfrog."

.. Okay.

"Alright, come on up. Bye."

I listened for his light footsteps up the stairs and then he opened the door. His face was pale and he was shaking.

"Dude.. are you okay?" I walked over to him but he just started to shake more. He shook his head, his usually beanie was lopsided placed on his head.

".. Look, we don't have to talk right now." I placed my hand on his shoulder, "Let's get you back home, you lo-"

I was interuppted when Adam attached his whole body to mine and crashed his lips over my own. My mind shut off and I felt his feminine body glide againist mine. Before I knew what I was doing, I was kissing him back.

I put my hand under his shirt on his hip. I groaned when I felt his soft, girly skin. He pressed his lower half againist mine even harder as we kept kissing.

.. Kissing.

I was kissing Adam Torres.

My best friend.

My fuckin' guy best friend.

I quickly shoved him away, wiping my lips in the process. His cheeks were a tint of pink, but he still looked pretty pale.

"What the fuck, dude?" I cursed out. He looked at me in shock.

"What do you mean? YOU kissed me back!" I felt my heart drop a little. I did.. I don't know what I was thinking.

"... I.. I felt like you were a girl.." I admitted sadly. His face fell into an upset one. "I haven't had any contact since Julia.. and.. Since,.. you're a girl."

"Fuckin' Elijah! I'm not a girl!" He bellowed, his high voice cracking againist his own will. I winced slightly at the foreign word that came out of his mouth.

".. Why did you do that any way? What about Clare?" I kept a good distance between us. I was somewhat afraid to go near him.

"Clare?" he questioned in bewilderment, ".. dude, I don't like Clare like that. I like... you."

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Well, don't. Just.. just get out." I turned away from him, my shame and guilt eating up inside me.

Adam walked closer to me, "Didn't seem like you don't-"

I quickly turned around and shoved him. Hard. His back came in contact with my wall and he fell down with a hard thud. He closed his eyes and I didn't understand why, but I forgot what a frail body he had.

".. Adam, I'm sorry.." I started, walking over to him to help him up. But Adam got up himself, glaring at me with tears in his eyes.

"..Forget it. Just forget it." He gave me one hard look and opened my bedroom door. "Forget everything." He slammed the door, leaving me for the guilt that was eating at my insides at that very moment.

* * *

><p><strong>OKAY, i know this is going kinda slow. but once i start on the next chapter, it will ten times better, pinky promise. i'm sure most of you figured out what was gonna happen. <strong>

**hope you enjoy!**


End file.
